Feelin’ better, bald eagle, why it’s good to be friendly with other birders

Did I see the bald eagle?
We will get to that in a minute.
First, there was a lot of mockingbird attitude going on in the front yard today.

Yum...me like suet

Dude was all over the suet.
He was not a happy camper when the starlings moved in.

Back off starling!

“Back off, you stupid starlings!”

I MEAN IT!

“I mean it!!!”

Oh I don't THINK so

“OH, I don’t THINK so…”

Okay, okay...I get the hint

“Okay, okay, we get the hint!”

Mr. Yellow-Eyed Fluffy Pants

“I rule this suet, because I am Mr. Yellow-Eyed Fluffy Pants.”

mockingbird streching neck

“And I want THAT berry right THERE.”

I am such a beautiful specimen of my species

“What a beautiful specimen of my species I am.”

Zzzzzz

Meanwhile, over in the crabapple, a cardinal dozed off…if you look close, you can see his nictating membrane.

Snow shadows
Over in the back yard, I saw snow shadows. See the snow by the fence? The trees shielded it from the warm sun, and voila..snow shadows.

Robin tossing leaves

A flock of robins were tossed the leaves under the maples. I thought I would help them out by sweeping the leaves away from the base of the trees. They approved.

just a red tail

Now, onto the eagle: This is not an eagle. Just a red-tailed hawk.

I used my temporary scope (I so don’t want to give it back) to check out the action at the gravel pits. I saw:
Coots
Ruddy ducks
Redheads
Buffleheads
Ring-Necked ducks
A female American wigeon, I think…some birders have seen a Eurasian wigeon here, but I was too far away to really be sure.
While scoping, a car pulled up behind me. A fellow birder came up and asked what I was seeing. She asked if I was looking for the eagle. Turns out that she had just seen it about 2 miles down the road. Hopped in the car and went searching.
Did I see the bald eagle?
YEP.
Did I get a picture of it?
NOPE.
Damn. I will try again.

full moon 020207

Happy Groundhog Day/Full Moon.

I have wanted to bring up something for quite a while. I have had a post in draft mode for ages, but haven’t posted it because it didn’t feel right.
Lynne brought up her past use of antidepressants in a comment last night, and I love her for it. I know you all like me, so I feel safe in talking about my mental health.
I have been in therapy off and on since I was 13. First it was for motivation in school (IQ tests to show that I definitely had the brains, and realizing that I was just not being challenged enough) and a few years back when I was pregnant with Isabelle, a new therapist. He did nothing for me. Then, 3 years ago I found my soul-mate therapist. She has seen me through my Dad’s passing, my anger, my depression.
I have been on antidepressants for 2 years now, and it seems to be working…except for the times that I react in ways that are not appropriate for the situation. I don’t let these feelings out when I am away from my family, such as at a RAPTOR program or out in public. My safety zone is my family, and unfortunately my family also takes the brunt of my anger. I am not abusive, I do not hit, but I yell and I say things in ways I don’t mean. The meds have reduced my depression and it feels great. (It looks like I have needed this for years, since high school)
Where does all this stem from? Partly, a chemical imbalance in my brain that I can’t help. And partly, a crappy relationship that nearly squashed my self-esteem. When I was 16, I was dating a 22 year old man. Why would a man want to date a 16 year old? You can figure that out.
I wouldn’t get into details. I will just say that he was not a nice person. He was mean and abusive.
That relationship colored every other one to come along. Thank goodness Geoff is understanding. He obviously saw past all my baggage to look into my soul and saw the small, undamaged part of me. He taught me that I was worth loving.
The only thing in the way of me becoming the person I really am inside is that the meds and therapy aren’t helping 100%. My therapist wants me to see someone else, to determine if I have “soft bi-polarity”. Lovely. I don’t think I am, but everyone I have told about it has NOT been surprised. I am not the type you see on TV shows…I just have mood swings from Hell. I am not Mother of the Year sometimes. I am not the wife that Geoff deserves. But I can be. I feel it. I want that.
So there you are. I’m not perfect, and I don’t think anyone expects me to be. But I could be happier. You guys, who read my blog, see the side that I truly am, the ME that shows up in small bursts. The loony, fun, sweet Me. I want to invite her to stay forever.

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Posted in Birds. 3 Comments »

3 Responses to “Feelin’ better, bald eagle, why it’s good to be friendly with other birders”

  1. Mary Says:

    First of all, your photos and the attached commentaries are superb tonight. You must be smiling about that! Secondly, not everyone lives in a fairytale world and we all get down and depressed. I haven’t always been very nice to ones I love – I get cranky and irritable, too. I am glad you have a therapist who is concerned about your best interest, so keep at it, Susan. Go with your instincts and always know you are loved. Not only by Geoff, your beautiful girls, and your assortment of cats, dogs, and other critters (Junior), but by your friends, right here on the net. You keep us smiling day after day and even on your off days, you speak clearly and show how much you care and love life.

  2. mon@rch Says:

    Happy Groundhogs Day to you also! I just love you action shots of your mockingbirds! About time someone chases away those starlings! I just love the Ruddy Ducks and only lucky to see them from time to time! Glad you had a chance to see them! Congrats on seeing the eagles, they are always fun to watch! I agree with Mary that many of your friends on here will support you anyway we can!

  3. divakitty Says:

    Your honest is inspiring. Know that you are loved and we’re here for you.


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